Separation Anxiety
Separation Anxiety
As someone who suffers with anxiety myself, just the term ‘separation anxiety’ and applying this to my own son really got to me. I would NEVER want my little baby to feel anxiety and would have done anything to stop this. I am not downplaying this feeling our little ones have, but the word anxiety can stir up such strong emotions within ourselves as parents. It is fact however that our children certainly do feel uncomfortable when we are not there.
It is completely normal for your baby/ toddler to struggle to be away from you, they are hardwired to want to be close to us. This ‘anxiety’ or upset can peak at certain ages and you might be right in the thick of it reading this. Common ages that such feelings can peak is from around 8 months and up tp 2 years and beyond. Also, you may have had a new baby or perhaps moved house recently and this can unsettle them and cause this feeling to increase.
Signs of this are;
Being a human magnet
Losing it when they can’t see you
Only wanting you and rejecting others that previously they were comfortable with.
Is bedtime becoming a screaming battle with meltdowns?
The simple reason behind this is that bedtime is the longest period of time they will be separated from you. So, they start to see SLEEP as SEPARATION!
Sleep = Separation
Used to sleep great but now we are having HUGE feelings at bedtimes……… have they forgotten how to settle or fall asleep?
No, they are just having a hard time knowing that you are about to leave them for the night.
What can we do?
Increase connection time BEFORE moving them into a sleep event. The more connection time the less overwhelminbg the separation will feel.
SLOW DOWN – If they are really kicking their heels in at night then SLOW the routine down. Give them an extra 10 to 15 minutes of them and you time.
BE PRESENT – we are all guilty of this but we need to ensure that we are being present with our little ones during the lead up to bedtime. Turn off your phone, tv and get down on their level and have som quality time.
INCREASE TOUGH – Babies especially but they attach with us through touch so look to have even more cuddles before bed. Also, things like co-bathing, baby massage. Also, LOTS of eye contact with a big cuddle is perfect.
Toddlers
Lots of cuddles and eye contact is perfect and a lot easier for babies but can be a little trickier with toddlers and older children. Trust me I’ve tried!!!
The idea here is to ensure we have fully charged up their love batteries with family time. It doesn’t have to be anything flamboyant, even just being present and involved in their play can work wonders. I recently noticed how much I wasn’t ‘present’ with my son, and was on my phone, this then resulted in bedtime battles as he just didn’t have that quality time with either myself or his Dad. Ideally, we should aim to offer at least 20 minutes 1:1 focus with our little toddlers or older children before bed. Also, saying love affirming statements just before bedtime is a great way to end their day.
If your toddler is struggling then having a SAFE item of your clothing in their bed can work well, or even a photograph of you all in the room, can offer another level of comfort.
If you want to know more then please feel free to get in touch.
Alex
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